In the last six years, I’ve been the girl who healed her hormonal acne naturally, the girl who decided to become a fashion blogger, the girl who has shared all sorts of life moments on the internet- but the last thing I wanted to be was the girl who gained weight. Again.
It could be a generational thing or even an age thing but our relationships with our bodies are complicated, constantly evolving, and regularly influenced by sources outside us.
So how do we find a place of peace and love for something that is consistently changing and growing with us? And how do we stop hating ourselves for something that can feel completely out of our control?
There’s a lot to unpack here today and I will probably only scratch the surface. But if you’re ready to make a change and no longer constantly feel like you’re at war with your body – today is for you.
What kind of person do you believe you need to be to have the body you want?
I’m not sure when it snuck into my brain. Maybe during the teenage years. Or the era of Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Possibly all tied together with the life of diet culture and constantly chasing a certain weight.
But there was this idea of happiness that was tied to how I looked when was younger.
I don’t know that it was explicitly stated but the idea seemed to grab hold that happiness was always on diet away. One fast. One magic pill. It would fix it all and suddenly you would be the person who gets to be happy. Who gets to have it all.
The problem(s) with that is you don’t know how to be the person who lives in the body. Or if you do, you overthink it and talk yourself out of it without even realizing it.
*oh her, she works out all the time. She doesn’t overeat. She doesn’t feel pressured by food. She gets to be loved because she looks like that. She doesn’t constantly judge herself for how she thinks others judge her for her food choices.*
She’s so unbelievably filled with hate for herself because of this one thing. This one negates everything beautiful, precious, and unique inside of her. And it’s a battle that will bring you to your knees.
Body positivity isn’t a requirement.
There’s this idea that as a midsize girl, I have to represent body positivity. I should show up in the world showing all my lumps and curves and things and LOVE them.
But I don’t.
I could pretend like I like them. Pretend like I’m okay with them. But I’m not and that’s really more than okay.
I’m sure if you scrolled back in your phone to older photos you’d find ones and see everything that no one else would ever know unless you told them. You might see the pain in your eyes from the friendship you were mourning. Or the ease and peace of being surrounded by people you love.
But only you really know what’s happening there and what’s gotten you to now.
Can You Be Honest About What You Need?
Coming into the new year, I’d had enough of listening to all the food noise. To all the trends talking about protein. All the nutritionists giving all the advice. All the moments of self-diagnosis.
I realized somewhere along the way I forgot to listen to myself. Or maybe I never really learned to begin with. And I was tired.
For me, it looked a lot like I needed to learn how to change my emotional relationship with food. I had to remove the rules so that I could find my own truth.
On a practical level, this looked like taking a major step back from consuming certain content. Whether that was people sharing recipes or moments cooking in vlogs, certain shows that felt like the characters were always eating, or even some of my favorite fitness girls and their what I eat in a day video. I needed a hard reset.
This has also looked like working with a nutritionist to more deeply understand how I can support my body. I’ll update you guys on this in a few months with my experience so make sure you’re following on Instagram or sign up for the newsletter.
Embrace Body Neutrality
There was a great video recently on TikTok that brought this concept forward for me in a way I’d never heard it before. But the idea that we really don’t have to always love our bodies but we can accept them gave me permission to take a breath in a way I didn’t know I needed to.
I can make space to care for this body, to nourish it, to moisturize it, to make sure it gets enough sleep. I can stop treating myself as something that needs to be fixed and more as someone who gets to be loved.
I can work on training for a half-marathon, doing yoga to help my body feel more at ease as I process a decade worth of trauma, or to spend a month just going for walks because it’s what I need.
I can stop hating myself for being a person. For being a human who is ALWAYS in progress, ALWAYS learning and whose ability to love someone else and do good in the world has absolutely nothing to do with the scale or a measuring tape.
Can You Look Deeper?
I wrote a post earlier this year on learning to love yourself unconditionally. You can read that here. But I would also invite you to look deeper. There maybe a guided e-book for this soon so stay tuned.
We weren’t born with a desire to hate ourselves. We weren’t born with the idea that we needed to change everything about ourselves in order to be loved. We were curious and excited and ready to be in the world with all its wonders. So how can you bring some of that back?
What do you believe you can’t do because of your body? Is that ultimately true? Can you get help to make it more possible if needed?
How do you live with/process/handle your emotions? Do you have a healthy outlet for processing the things that have happened in your life? If not, can you be open to finding one?
As hard as it is, as much pain and disappointment and just plain hurt as you’ll have to process to get to the other side, I promise you it’s worth it. You’ve survived all of your hardest days and you’ll get through this one too. Until next time. I love you. Xoxo, Savvy
Ps. Make sure you’re subscribed to the newsletter so you don’t miss a thing (which will hopefully include a guided journal for learning how to love yourself.
