As much as I love and adore my friends, I’ve always been big believer in being able to be happy going to bed with me. Because no matter how much someone loves you or chooses to do life with you, you will never escape the reality of needing to love yourself fully.
So today I want to talk about the one friend we often forget: ourselves. The one who tells us the good things and the bad when we look in the mirror. The person who talks us into 5 more minutes when we are really ready to give up. That relationship is one we can easily forget to nurture but it so important.
Whether you’re single or taken, have tons of friends or only a few – today, I’m giving you all my tips and tricks for learning to love yourself more deeply. Essentially, how to be your own best friend. We get the life we believe we are worthy of having. But first you and inner you need to be on the same page. The journey is tough. It’s tear filled. It’s joyous. And it’s worth it friend. So grab a glass of your fave beverage and let’s dive in. We’ve got work to do.
Learn Your Own love language & Use It
I’m a big believer in love languages. Without the ability to understand how we can love ourselves, it’s easy to feel like we’re just going through the motions and our cup never feels full. So start with what your love language is and how you can support yourself with regularly. For example, my love languages are acts of service & words of affirmation. As a way of loving myself, I often treat myself to things that make me feel supported or that I would do for others (a nice dinner out, seeing a movie, getting my nails done, etc.)
But I’m also a massive fan of writing myself letters when needed. Sometimes it’s a pep talk in my journal as though I’m speaking kind words to myself. Other times, it’s writing a letter for future me to read. Whatever it is, acknowledge your love language and find ways that you can support yourself with it.
Be Intentional About Building Trust With Yourself
I’m a big believer in expanding your mental toolbox so when you’re trying to push to knew levels you’ve got tons to pull from. For example, when I was looking to move out of film into becoming a creator full time I had zero idea of how I would do it. But I knew that I had done whatever I need to do to make film happen when I had no clue so I could do it again. I’d built that trust of taking a crazy leap with myself.
Here’s the thing though: building trust with yourself is as easy as keeping a small promise daily. It could be that you’ll drink glass of water first thing or that you’ll meditate for 5 minutes. Being able to keep your word for the small stuff makes it easier to expand to the big things. It’s a continual process. You just have to start with one step.
Love Yourself Enough To Tell Yourself The Truth
Of all the reasons to be your own best friend, I think the most important is that you are the only one who can make your dreams a reality. Sure there are people who will support you and help along the way. But to be willing to go after them, we have to love ourselves enough to be honest about our desires. And then we have to be willing to work through the things that tell us we aren’t worthy enough to have them.
I’ve reached the point in my journey where my dreams are really large. Like SCARY large. I’ve sent many texts this week to my bestie saying I’m both excited and terrified by this season. Thankfully she gets me while also being in my life boat. Nevertheless, I do often find myself needing to bolster my own confidence, emotional state and just calm my thoughts when I’m just starting to wrap my head around a new idea.
And there are two things that I find myself doing daily to stay grounded and to be my own bff:
1. I admit that I’m terrified. It pretty much goes like: God, I’m scared. Help me anyways. Let this be easy. I’m willing to do the work. Help me to take the next breath and feel serenity.
2. I take time to find the root of the thing that makes me believe that I can’t have something. And then I choose a new thought. This happens daily as I unpack why I’m where I am and how I get out of this place. If you’re doing the work, there’s definitely going to be some tears involved. But first you have to trust yourself enough to tell yourself truth.
SET DAILY REMINDERS FOR A MORE POSITIVE VIBE
I shared my daily alarms on insta stories recently but these are essential to helping me stay in a positive headspace. They are like a back up pep talk. You’ll also find the current ones above. But the idea is I have something to remind me throughout the day to think the positive thoughts.
I’ll often change them as needed if I feel like I need a new affirmation or want to phrase things differently. The idea is simply for me to help myself stay in the positive I can do it vibes all day long. I have one set for 30 minutes after I wake up that says “Good morning! It’s a new day. Let’s do something great!”.
As well as, I have a 3pm alarm to meditate for 5 minutes because I know that I need to tell myself to chill the F out around then. Sometimes being your own best friend means automating the things you need to hear throughout the day to keep your shit together. Bonus points if you add songs that help you challenge your happy.
Create Space For New Things To Find You
The older I get the more I find myself drawn to people who are interested in growing. They are constantly challenging, leveling up and pushing themselves. But to do that they have to be willing to say this isn’t working anymore. This is also a conversation you have to be willing to have with yourself regularly.
Part of being a best friend is helping them go after the life they want. To grow. To support. To help them acknowledge when things aren’t working anymore and to feel safe enough to change their reality. So as your own BFF, you need to look at what things are currently adding to your energy or detracting from it. And what do you need more or less of in your life?
For example, I recently fell into a reading a hole. It’s something I tend to do when I need a break from the world. But I got to a point where I realized the content I was consuming was nothing but noise. I felt frustrated that I was so unmotivated and yet I was surrounding myself with things to numb me. I had to A. ask for help (your girl prays A LOT) and B. acknowledge that I needed something different. I couldn’t make space for new things that would fill my cup without acknowledging the things I needed to release. We have to create space for the new amazing things to find us.
Level Up Your Energy
In the grand scheme of things, I consider the internet as one of my friends. Part of the 5 people that are the most influential but also the most direct line to supporting myself as my own best friend. Think about it. It’s the one time where you can set boundaries no one will cross. You can step away from the conversation. You can seek out the specific thing you need support in. You can pick a very specific energy to invite into your bubble.
Now as your own best friend, this is your most powerful tool for filling your cup daily. It’s how you make sure your interactions with yourself make you feel amazing. It’s also how you help train your subconscious to have the positive conversations you need to succeed. And more often than not, it fills your cup. You’re not expected to give. You can selfishly receive exactly what you need without worrying about others.
Make Time To Reconnect With You
If 2020 taught me anything, it’s how easy it is for me to get caught in a whirlwind of running on anxiety & adrenalin without realizing it. The habits we build are the habits that define us. But unless we take the time to truly stop and check in, it can be easy to miss the ones that aren’t serving us.
When I left film, I wasn’t really sure what the time table of my life would look like. So I continued to run on an anxiety built lifestyle for quite some time. Unfortunately, it was the complete opposite of my goals to heal my hormones at the time. My cortisol levels needed to drop majorly and this wasn’t going to happen with my habits.
Now I’ll harp on journaling until I’m blue in the face for a lot of reasons. But the biggest one being that the most important thing you can do as your own best friend is to create a safe space for your thoughts/feelings/emotions. A place where you can ask the tough questions and be honest with yourself daily/weekly/monthly about what you’re feeling. And it may take some time to get there (ps. journal questions coming to the blog soon so be sure to sign up for the newsletter).
At the end of the day, your relationship with yourself is about all of the little things. Knowing how a song makes you feel. Being able to admit you’re scared even if that’s new for you (🙋🏼♀️). Acknowledging how you’re showing up for yourself and where you need to ask for help. It means being intentional about having moments of quiet and making time to reconnect with yourself often.
Set Goals And Smash Them
And last but not least, one of my favorite parts of learning to be your own best friend: setting goals and smashing the hell out of them. Ps. This is also a great way to build your trust with yourself. As I’ve been fortunate enough to live a rather unique life thus far, I’ve seen up close what it looks like when we stop setting goals, stop making plans, stop finding hope. . . It’s an easy access door for depression to come in and set up camp.
But one of the best feelings I’ve found when I’m having a tough day is when I can I’m proud of you and mean it. There are days when that’s because I pushed through a hard workout. Other times it’s because I’ve set a goal and smashed it.
Sometimes I make it a game. Whatever you need to do to shape it. But use it as a way to spend time getting to know yourself. To show up for and with yourself. Think of it like dating. You’re investing in something you want to see growing into something more. Setting a goal with yourself means you can learn to love yourself more deeply and explore how to grow in ways you may have never even imagined.
As always, I hope today’s post finds you in a space of joy and healing. And if you’re in between, remember even the baby steps count. You’ll get through this. Sending you all the love and light. Xoxo, Savvy
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