When I think of confidence, I always remember this one scene from the Young & Hungry pilot*. Gabby, my fave blonde and main gal, is going in for a job interview. Her bestie Sophia is trying to pump Gabby up for getting the job. She’s coaching her on how to speak to herself and doing an entire chest puffing move saying, “I’ve got this.” Very much a Legally Blonde bend and snap moment without the bend. Inevitably, Gabby lands the job despite some very crazy circumstances. And she uses Sophia’s coaching trick to help herself feel better along the way. But the one thing that has always stuck with me about that scene is how Sophia showed Gabby how to be more confident.
It was never a goal of mine to become more confident. I always kind of figured that I’d lose the weight or get married and suddenly I’d be confident. These inevitable, hopeful goals I wanted to just land in my lap would give me the kind of confidence I so greatly admired in other women.
However, like pretty much everything else, it doesn’t work like that. Yes, some people are naturally confident much in the same way that some people have red hair. It happens. But for those of us who aren’t rocking our “I’ve got this” t-shirt daily, it can take some time to learn it. So today, I want to share a few tips for how to become more confident. Whether you’ve got a Sophia in your life, or I’m your Sophia, there are ways we can learn confidence that extend into all areas of life. Let’s chat shall we?
Check Your Posture
I’m a bit of a body language nerd. I find it incredibly fascinating how much you can learn about someone just by looking at them. If you read Wednesday’s blog post, you’ll know I’m reading What Every BODY Is Saying* and loving it. Our bodies communicate so much to the outer world. But they are also communicating with us as well.
Slumping your shoulders in, keeping your head down and avoiding eye contact are all signs that you’re feeling less confident. In a way, it looks like you’re almost curling back into yourself. So if you want to be more confident, use your posture to trick your mind. Truthfully, this is something I’m still working on. When I’m at dinner with friends or even mid photo shoot, I’ll have to stop and check myself. Pull your shoulder back, push your chest out and lift your chin. Make eye contact. It might feel uncomfortable at first. But if you want to be more confident you need start acting like you’re confident. And changing the way your body and mind communicate is a great place to start!
Check Your Mind
You spend all day with your mind. You wake up with your mind. And you go to bed with your mind. If you want to be more confident, you’re going to have to do some work with your mind. And if you follow me on instagram for Motivation Mondays, you’ll know what I’m going to say. AFFIRMATIONS.
I love affirmations. Every day you have the opportunity to speak life into yourself. You get to choose how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how anyone else sees you. You get to decide who you become. So if you want to be more confident, you have to start speaking to yourself that way. Personally, I’m a big fan of journalling. I find writing affirmations gives them more power in my mind. Pick which ever ones apply to you. A few of my faves and regular choices: I am exactly where I’m meant to be. Everything is working in my favor. Every day I’m one step closer to my goals. And my classic choice: It’s a good day to have a good day.
Yes, it’s probably going to take some time for you to actually believe what you’re saying. But if what you’re doing now isn’t working, what’s the harm in trying? Take the time to check your mind and make it a nice place to live. If you keep speaking life into yourself, you’ll find yourself feeling more confident in no time.
SET A GOAL
I’m a big believer in how doing something in one area can positively impact other areas of your life. For me, it’s most often the gym. I push myself in my workouts because that gives me the motivation to push myself everywhere else. If I’m disciplined with my workouts, it shows up in my every day life. So if I set a goal and smash it that feeling of confidence is going to spread.
Listen, I’m not talking massive goals. Those are great. I think you should have them. But if you want to be confident and you want that confidence to flow into your life, start small. Smash the little goals so you’re motivated to go after the big ones. And use your affirmations and positive mindset to boost your confidence. Set a goal. Kill the goal. And then tell yourself you’re proud of yourself.
At the end of the day, you have to believe in you. There’s no one else that can have confidence for you. However, in those times where you’re struggling to push forward, to have confidence and believe in yourself, you can remember your goals. You can remember and focus on all the times you came through & crushed it. You are a powerful woman. It’s time to own it!
LEARN HUMILITY
The flip side, and equally important part of being confident, is being humble. I think if you want to be truly confident, you have to be willing to admit when you’re not the best or when you’re wrong. If you can step back and assess both your strengths and your weaknesses, you can fully begin to embrace your confidence.
Now being humble doesn’t mean you have to suck at everything and be wrong all the time. But if you want to grow as a person and give yourself a foundation of confidence in life, knowing you put in the work to get there helps. Never be afraid to admit that you don’t know something. Because you don’t know what you don’t know. And you can’t learn something if aren’t ever willing to admit you don’t know it in the first place.
STOP PLAYING THE COMPARISON GAME
Let’s just assume I’m never going to step giving this pep talk because try as we might, it’s a game we inevitable fall back into. Nothing good comes from comparison. You were made to be you and I was made to be me. And the moment we start trying to be each other and comparing how much we fall short, the moment we lose our confidence and joy.
The world needs YOU. You are you are right now, will be next week and will hopefully be 10 years from now. You’re important. If you want to be more confident, you have to recognize that you are important. You matter. You are worthy of love and being here. Sure your butt may not look like hers and you don’t have 1 million instagram followers. But she isn’t you and you just might be the person who cures cancer or ends world hunger.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. Use your affirmations to remind yourself that you are worthy and loved. You are enough. There’s nothing but sorrow that comes from playing the comparison game. And probably Game of Thrones* for that matter but ya know that show is bonkers.
WRITE DOWN 5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOU
So not that you’ve adjusted your posture, started journaling your affirmations and have realized that you are enough, there’s just one more thing. It’s a big one. Write down what you love about you.
In my post on positivity, I told you to write down what you’re thankful for. An attitude of gratitude makes for a more positive, savvy gal. Now, you’re going to focus on those things you love about yourself. It could be your eyes. Maybe it’s how you always find a way to be more positive. Or you could love that you are a loyal friend who would do anything for those you love. WRITE IT DOWN.
If you want to be more confident, you have to start focusing on the positive side of life. Dwelling on the negative isn’t going to get you anywhere. Yes, you can change the things you don’t like. I’m all for making your life your own. But I’m also a big fan of starting where you are and using what you’ve got. If you want to be more confident today, then you have start looking at what you love about you. Because learning to love yourself is the foundation for learning to love others and being more confident in your every day life.
What about you? Do you have any tips for how to be more confident? I’d love to hear them! Be sure to leave me a comment below and let me know. And don’t forget to share this blog post with someone you think needs to read it. Until next time. Xoxo, Savvy
